Too Sunny in Vidalia???

Life has been doing some pretty amazing things for me lately. Ever since I read The Secret (and the sequel) and started to apply some of the principles, I'm seeing changes. I'm learning that visualization works and brings good things into my life. On the running front, I've improved my speed by quite a bit. 2-3 minutes a mile on average. I also found the exact pair of running shoes that I'd been visualizing in my head (I explained about that a few posts back). As far as life in general goes...I found my Zune that's been lost for a year. It had all of my music on it, and since my computer broke last year and we had to start using an old, obsolete one, most of my music was lost. But now its back, in perfect condition, and all of my music has come back to me. My children aren't fighting anymore, and they are keeping up with their responsibilities better. I randomly made $30 because when I found my Zune, I realized that I also had an extra online accecss code for a school program and it just so happened that the guy who sits next to me in school spotted me taking it out of my bookbag and bought it from me on the spot. I'm not having any trouble sleeping anymore, when a month or two ago there were some nights that I never slept at all. I'm looking in the mirror and feeling good about myself. The list goes on and on, all the way to today when I literally recieved an out of the blue $500 check in the mail. It was so weird because yesterday was my first day of class for Fall Quarter, and also my first time taking an online course. My computer has Windows 2000 on it, which just totally sucks, and I couldn't download any of the plug ins necessary to do any work at home.  I started visualizing getting a new computer last night and I swear to God there was a $500 check in the mail today. No, I was NOT expecting any money...this was totally random. Anyway, the computer that I wanted was on clearance today, so I'm writing this from my new computer and I still ended up pocketing $200. And I know this is just the beginning.

My only concern is that I tend to be a better writer when I'm miserable, and I really love this blog and I don't want to bore everyone to death with all of this happy happy happy crap! I feel like something is slipping as far as this blog goes, and I don't want it to. Is anyone losing interest? If so, what should I be writing about in order to get that interest back? Let me know, I can take it.

Okay, I'm off for a run. Got a half marathon in 3 weeks!!

My New Perspective on Weight Loss

Ok, so now I'm reading The Power, which is the sequel to The Secret. If you haven't read either book and only want to read one, I would recommend reading The Power. It incorporates everything taught in The Secret and a lot more. I just have to say this to some of you (and especially to myself).
As women who are trying to lose weight, we do not give our minds enough credit for the weight loss. Every time we think something negative about our bodies, we invite negativity to return to us in the form of not losing weight, or regaining weight and always constantly having to lose it, or even just losing weight and being doomed to be perpetually dissatisfied with our bodies no matter how thin we get. We have to stop seeing women with perfect bodies and feeling disdain for them. (Don't try to sit there and tell me you don't do that, either, because we ALL do). When we feel disdain or envy or a bad feeling in general when looking at a woman with a nice body, all the universe sees is that WE don't want a body like that. When we see somebody with a great body, we need to feel happy and imagine that our body is like that and be grateful for it. When we see somebody who is more overweight than we are, we need to turn away with our minds and not think about that. Don't give overweight any energy!
We need to stop calling ourselves fat. Every time we utter anything about what a lard ass we are, we make it so. If you aren't at the point where you can say anything good about yourself, at least refrain from saying something bad. Lastly, we need to visualize our perfect bodies and then THANK the Universe, God, whoever, for them. Believe that you have it, and it will come because you're putting out the right vibrations.
I'm not telling anyone to stop their diet or fitness regimen. I'm telling you to stop PUNISHING yourself with them. Eat healthful food because you love your body and want to do something good for it. Go out for a run because you're a badass and you know how amazing you're going to feel when you're done. Don't go on a five day water and celery fast because you were bad and ate a cupcake! Let's just stop the insanity, people!!!
Even if all of this sounds crazy to you, the great thing about it is that nothing bad can come from giving it a try. Harness the power of the mind and see if it doesn't amplify your results and make you a happier person while doing so! So, come on, lets stop all of the negativity and surround ourselves with beauty inside and out, and lets just fake this shit until we make it...and we WILL make it.
Sermon over.

Scattered Ramblings

Um...there are only 30 days left until I run in my first half-marathon. Wowza. I'm not sure where the time went. It seems like I signed up forever ago, but the closer the race gets the more I feel like everything is in fast forward or something. The past two weeks have been a busy blur.  Some tidbits from my life:

 I finally got a pair of decent running shoes! After months of running in these Aqua Socks, and tons of research regarding barefoot running shoes, I decided upon the Nike Free Run +. I am totally in love! These shoes are very hard to find in my area, and I literally got the very last pair left in this part of the state. It just so happened that as I was calling around to every surrounding town I could drive to in less than 3 hours, one tiny store about an hour away had one pair of  them left and they just happened to be the size I needed and the color I wanted. (As a side note, since reading the Secret I have been practicing the art of visualization and I'd been picturing these damn shoes in my head every day for a week before I started looking for them.) As a bonus, they were on clearance and I got them for 30 bucks off! Anyway, these are my shoes:

Aren't they beautiful!! And they're so lightweight and flexible that you can fold them in a circle. And they have the Nike + sensor inside them. They are the soul (sole) mates of my feet!

I've started drinking green smoothies in the mornings. Yes, that means taking a perfectly good fruit smoothie and putting crap like spinach and kale in there. A lot of people had been recommending them to me, and I must say that you really can't taste the vegetables. For real. Also, they really do help with energy and are a great post-run recovery drink. HOWEVER, I am not somebody that likes to spend a great deal of time preparing food (especially in the mornings), so I really don't see myself continuing with these after the race unless I just fall completely in love. Which hasn't happened yet. Even a little.

What a woman won't do for her health.

I finally got my official 5k time! 39:21!! I can't believe I broke 40 minutes my first race. I wasn't really expecting to even break 50!

My speed is improving. A relaxed mile is now anywhere from 11:30-12 minutes. This is a great improvement from my 14 and 15 minute miles that I started out with. I am walking a lot more than I used to, though, so that's something I'll be working on next week.

Last but definitely  not least, I've been given a blog award from Bethanny over at Bethanny's Tired of Being Fat. Her blog is quickly becoming one of my very favorites. Every day, she makes me laugh AND she finds the world's COOLEST pictures to put on her blog. I swear I don't know where she gets them. So thank you for the award, girl!

Now  I have to sum up my blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience in five words. Here it is:

 Slowly Realizing That I Rock. 

I would like to pass this award to Meredith at Run is the New Walk. She just started this blog after moving over from Wordpress and she inspires me ever day and I love her to pieces.

Ok, one last thing I've been tossing around in my mind....I realize that this is putting the cart before the horse, but I think that I want to do an Ironman. You know...the 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride, and 26.2 mile run? Yeah, that one. I really really really want to do one. Not now, not even next year. The tentative plan in my head is to do a couple half marathons, do the Walt Disney Marathon in 2012, maybe one more that year, mixing in a few triathlons and then start training for the Ironman in 2013 and complete it in 2014. I really think that I'm going to do this. I like having something to work for. Am I crazy? What do you guys think?

So I Finally Broke Down and Read The Secret...

Holy awesome book, Batman!!! I've had a lot of people recommend this book to me over the past few months, but I always resisted because I thought it was silly. I mean, come on, you can do anything just by thinking about it first?

But my outlook on life has been pretty bleak for the last couple of years, and it wasn't until I started running that I really became aware of how negative I had become. I touched on this in a previous post, but...I was always the first person to insult me. And now I realize that is because I was SO FREAKING AFRAID of anybody criticizing anything about me! Every time I walked into a room of people, I was convinced that not only did I not belong there, but that everyone else KNEW I didn't belong there as well and were wondering to themselves why I showed up. I honestly felt like I should apologize to the world for my existence. But I never KNEW that I was thinking any of these things.

When I started running, these issues came to the surface with a quickness. I think starting this blog helped me as well, because from the get go I knew that I was going to be completely honest with myself and everyone else here. Of course, in the beginning, I only thought that meant being able to complain to my heart's desire.... So I did, and I had my little accomplishments and then I would be proud and write about them...but then something bad would happen and I would throw myself back into a fit of despair and I would write about that,too...and so on and so on. Eventually going between such extreme highs and lows gets exhausting though, and reading back on a lot of my older entries here really made me think. A lot of my new online running friends also began pointing out to me what an overall negative attitude I was exhibiting. And I was mortified that to think that I had become that "feed the piggy" type of person..."Please let me continue telling you how awful I am at everything I do so that you can tell me how awesome I am instead." I never WANTED to be like that, but I was headed there quickly.

I knew it was not only time for an attitude makeover, but a good look inside of Jennifer to see what makes her act that way in the first place. It was all of my negative mantras, of course. "You're ugly" "You're fat" "You're not a runner, you're too slow" "People don't like you" etc etc etc! So I made a conscious decision to turn that around and to start loving me and being kinder to me. And then do you know what happened???

I picked up The Secret at Wal-Mart the other day, completely on an impulse. As soon as I got home and began reading it, things just started going Click click click in my head! Of course I've been attracting negative things to me because just look at all the negative vibrations I've been putting out there! Of course I have become what I never wanted to be, because that was all that I was concentrating on!! HELLO, HAS ANYONE BEEN HOME IN THERE THE PAST TWENTY SEVEN YEARS???

I also find it hilarious that I just happened to pick up that book after I had already resolved to change my thought patterns and "get on a different frequency"....Gotta love the Law of Attraction at work!! So now my mantras have changed. And I'm letting go of all the bad things in the past. And I know now that I will reach my goal weight...and I will finish this half marathon in under 3 hours. I know it because I finally believe it.

And I am so happy and grateful that I have the rest of my life in which to love myself.

My First 5k!!!

Today I ran in my first ever race, the Run for the Roost 5k in Hagan, Ga. This was an amazing experience and I will never forget it. My husband, Jeremy, was there for moral support and I got to run it with my best friend, Heather. This was a moment for both of us because it was our first race. We helped each other. She struggled a good bit in the beginning and I stayed with her and walked when she needed to. I had a rough last mile and by that time she was warmed up and ready to go! But she walked with me when I couldn't catch my breath towards the end and helped me to pick it back up and finish strong. We don't know our exact time yet-race results haven't been posted-but it was around 40 minutes....which is an EXCELLENT time for me. I was hoping to finish in under 47 minutes! Happy Happy Joy Joy!!!

Speaking of things I'm happy about....my blogging friend Andrea nominated me for the Happy 101 Award!

Thank you, Andrea! Everyone needs to go to her blog and follow it right now. She's also training for her first half-marathon, and even if you tried, you wouldn't be able to find anyone with a sunnier disposition or more inspirational attitude. Her blog is awesome. Anyway, for this award you are supposed to list 10 things that you're happy about. Since my cup overfloweth today, I am listing 10 things I'm happy about regarding the race this morning:

1. My husband got the day off from work and was able to experience this with me. He has been my greatest source of support ever since I decided to become a runner. He is there for every long run, meeting me at every mile marker,cheering me on, handing me water and Gatorade, hosing me down, helping me walk when I'm too blistered...This man is my absolute life and I loved seeing how proud he was of me this morning.

2. Not only did I get to run my first race with Heather, we stayed with each other the whole time. I know it won't always be this way, and I'm okay with that. We each need to run our own race. But today, it felt really good to just be together and help each other along and just savor the experience. Heather is really more than a best friend to me, but they just haven't invented an appropriate term yet! Made me very happy to do this with her.

3. I didn't come in last! I didn't come in last! I didn't even come in second to last, or third to last. (Probably.)

4. I was able to achieve a much better time than I orginally thought myself capable of.

5. Packet pick-up was a cinch! Ok, I know that this one's weird, but I was really worried that they wouldn't have a packet for me...like maybe I accidentally signed up for the wrong race? Whatever. Anyway, all went smoothly.

6. I got to see this guy right here. He was the winner of the entire race, coming in at 19 minutes even. Whoever he is, he's my hero! And he had on really cool shorts and was wearing Newton's, which are barefoot running sneakers. (Ha!) If I ever run into him at another race, I am going to beg him to be my new running coach.

7. I slept very well last night, which was surprising. I really thought my nerves were going to get the better of me, but I got some awesome rest.

8. My nerves DIDN'T get the better of me! There were a few moments right before the race started where I figured I ought to just leave while I still could, but for the most part I was remarkably collected.

9. I got an awesome race T shirt! My first one in hopefully a big collection someday.

10. I already said this one, but it bears repeating: I didn't come in last!!

I am going to nominate Bethanny from Bethanny is Sick of Being Fat for this award. I have only recently stumbled onto her blog, but I've already read it all the way through and she is hilarious!! And brutally honest--I am totally loving following her.

Here are a couple of pics from the race. Thanks for reading this ridiculously long post, everyone!! Ya'll don't even KNOW what you're in for when I finish that half in October!! Ha!

Running towards the finish line

Being silly before the race

Weight

I have to say a word about my weight. That word is: UNCHANGING. On any typical day, it fluctuates from about 213-216. I have been running for a while now. My relationship with food has improved, although it definitely isn't perfect. I was really hoping for more results by now. My fear is that I have a thyroid problem that will prevent weight loss. Last summer, (back when I still had health insurance) my doctor told me I had a little bit of a thyroid imbalance, but not enough for medication. I've gained 30 lbs in a year. Which is a lot...but it was also a pretty sedentary year. Actually, let me be more clear. I gained 30 lbs from June of last year until March of this year. Since April, I have been exercising and trying to watch what I eat. I have lost approximately 1-4 lbs in the last5 months. I've also lost anywhere from 2-4 inches off my waist, but these results came pretty early in the game and have stayed stagnant. I can't afford to go to the doctor to test my thyroid, so all I can really do is sit around and speculate and feel helpless.

Now for some food honesty. I don't keep track of calories very often and I basically let myself eat whatever I want to. I do eat more salads, drink more water, and have smaller portion sizes than I used to. But I usually skip breakfast and have coffee loaded with sugar every morning. (one one cup though) Most of the time I'll be really good and not snack at night, but then I go through phases where I'll snack all day and night for a week. When I get discouraged about my lack of weight loss, I do turn to food for comfort. (Because what is the point, anyway?) This week I discovered this awesome little sandwich shop that makes homemade lemonade and out of this world cream cheese brownies. I've treated myself twice this week. I eat out a lot...sometimes I do awesome and fill up on soup and salad and just have a little bit of entree...other times, not so much.

This is definitely a work in progress. I know that dieting and deprivation never work, so I try to just be a normal, reasonable person. This is sort of hard for me because for my entire life I have been able to eat whatever I want and have a perfect body. No joke, my body was PERFECT. Sometimes I still look at old pictures and sob. I've never been the fat girl who has to worry about anything, and I still bitterly resent having to be accountable for what I put into my body. Since my oldest daughter was born almost 9 years ago, my weight has climbed from 130 to 217. I was only 185 until last year and then I just put on a lot. (It was a really bad year though).


I feel very very helpless when it comes to my weight. I just can't help but think that even with my lack of dieting, something should have happened by now simply due to my increase in exercising. But at the very least, I am no longer GAINING weight, and for that reason alone I have to persevere. I am definitely gaining muscle, and strength, and energy. My body is seeing results as far as the way that I FEEL so I have to be doing something right. I try to just ignore the weight thing most days and focus on my running and my upcoming half marathon.

However, my speed isn't yet up to par with what I need it to be for this race. I know that if I can lose a few pounds in the next 50 days, that will really help me out in the speed department. So, in my effort to focus on the positive and stop feeling sorry for Jennifer, I am taking my power back. for the next 50 days, this is the plan:

--1500 calories per day. Period.

--More water! Drink nothing but water.

--Eat breakfast even if it kills me.

--Resume my strength training 3x per week.

I can do anything for 50 days. If I stick with it and still haven't seen any changes in my body when this time period is over, then I am going to have to find a way to go to the doctor because I will no longer be able to tell myself that I'm just not trying hard enough.

Any advice is TOTALLY welcome. I really am going to need all the support that I can get, because food is my biggest weakness. I've even avoided blogging about it until now because I just don't like to think about it. But it's time for me to think about it now.

I'm thinking.