Friday, October 15, 2010

These Are My Confessions

Just when I thought I said all I can say...Okay, off the Usher track. God, my husband hates him! He'll be so pissed when he sees this post. Anyway!!
A few posts back, I stated that it was time to get serious about my weight. Well, I haven't.  I got discouraged when it comes to weight loss months ago, and I just gave up. Not on running, mind you. I Love Running! I love working toward a tangible goal and the thought that I am about to achieve a major one (half marathon-8 days-gulp) seriously is starting to bring tears to my eyes. I never thought I would make it this far, and I certainly don't intend to give it up now, even after the race is over.
But weight loss? Yeah. I checked out on that a long time ago. Part of the reason why is simply because I like myself so much more now than I did before I started running. I've gained so much self esteem, self respect, self regard, all kinds of self stuff. So, even without the weight loss, I'm starting to look in the mirror and not hate what I see. I'm holding up my head in public and basically saying "Yeah, I'm not a barbie. So what? I'm hot and I bet my fat ass can run a lot further than your skinny ass can!"  Which is a good thing. A good, good thing and I'm totally grateful for it.
BUT...that doesn't change the fact that something is wrong here. Weight loss is stalling, and I refuse to believe that there is something wrong with my body. I just lack discipline when it comes to my food. Sure, I've made some positive changes, and on the days that I run I generally eat pretty well simply because I don't want to mess up my run. I don't drink soda, 95% of the fluids I take in are water, I love hot green tea with no sweetener, and I have been known to down a green smoothie or two. All that being said...
--When I want a cake, I bake a cake....and Jennifer has never been known to stop at one slice of cake. Cake is my great love/hate/eat until I'm sick affair.
--If I want fast food, I eat fast food.
--A great number of the vegetables that I consume come from Chinese buffets and are lathered in Whatever that sauce is
--I don't say no to fried chicken.
--I totally have seconds at dinner a LOT
--I never count calories--ever
--Aside from my running, I'm not a very active person.

What can I say? I just DON'T want to be that girl who kicks her own ass every time she has a bite of dessert. That's no way to live!! There has to be some happy medium, right? RIGHT??? Come on, tell me I'm right!!

And so, I run my ass off 3-4 times a week, the scale never budges, and I just think I can't lose weight. A very large part of me really believes that I should be able to do it just by running. That I have EARNED a hot body by becoming a runner! But then last night I sat down and did a little bit of math...
If I run 15 miles a week, I'm burning roughly 1500 calories through exercise. Which is fantastic. However, that is less than half of what it takes to lose 1 freaking pound. ONE POUND!!!! So of course I've only lost 4 pounds...doing this through exercise alone will take forever. And lets not forget the weeks I have where I don't run as much and eat twice my usual amount.
I never count calories, so I have no idea what I take in on a daily basis and how much I should cut to get a bigger weight loss deficit. BUT i found this cool website, My Fitness Pal, where you can input all your personal info and how much weight you want to lose a week and it just spits a plan back out at you.  So I put that I would like to lose 1 1/2 pounds a week and that I expect to exercise 4 times a week for 30 minutes. (Ha! I always do much more than that, but will probably take a little downtime after the race).  Anyway, so I can have 1770 calories a day, and I don't know much about much, but that seems like a pretty reasonable amount to work with. Also, on this website, the food tracking aspect is really easy, so there is just no excuse.
This is GOING to work. I do deserve the body I am dreaming of. Oh, and I'm putting a little  weight loss widget thingy on my blog to stay accountable.
Please wish me luck! This feels like starting an entirely different journey all the way from the beginning.


  1. MyFitnessPal, huh? I used Sparkpeople a lot and I love it, but....
    I have pretty much given up counting calories until Cuddle Bug is completely weaned.

    By the way-- 8 days???? You are so amazing. Are you tapering this week?

  2. Yup, I have a run of 9 miles coming up on Sunday and that's basically it beside a couple of really short runs next week. I'm flippin out.

  3. That is awesome! You're going to do great!

  4. I've used My Food Diary. It's $9 a month and tracks, food, exercise and weight. It has a great forum too. I think you're headed in the right direction even if it's just to give yourself a reference point of how many calories you are consuming on an average day. You'll be pleasantly surprised how much you can eat and still lose weight. I can't wait to hear about your half marathon!!

    I just love this blog!!!

  5. First of all, you are going to ROCK that half!! Amazing! Second of all, I can TOTALLY relate to everything you are saying. I never, ever count calories and, like you, I generally eat healthy but I never deny myself anything. Cookies and pastries (cakes, donuts, etc) are my main weakness. I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss and just know you are not alone!

  6. wow...this post hits home. And thanks so much for your comments over on my blog. Iknow what you mean that you feel you deserve a good body for all your running. I am the same way!!!

    You are doing so great! You are "living" life. You eat when you are hungry and exercise. And most imprtantly, you LOVE to exercise. keep it up girl!


  7. Dude, I've been there. I got stuck with 'just' exercise. Its a bummer, especially when it isn't gravy to work out hard.

    I understand where you are and what you feel is wrong. I think you can get there. 1700 calories isn't too bad. Moderation will be your friend, but I think you can not have to eat veggies all the time to lose weight. Not sure about cake though...maybe angel food cake?

    There is no doubt in my head that you can do it, and I think as you lose pounds each week, it will become easier and clearer to say no to fried food. Honestly I think the most difficult thing will be to find the balance between eating what you need to keep your running energy up.

    I have full confidence in you! Maybe if you can print out a few menus for a week or so where you don't have to meal plan right away, that will help you get an idea for 1700 calories...

    Polar's Mom

  8. You can SO do this!! Go, go, go!!!!!!!