Saturday, July 24, 2010
Running on Empty
Here we go again. This is really becoming not so much of a running blog as it is a place for me to complain. But I really need help this time, guys. I need somebody to tell me "Hey, I've been there, this is normal, you can move past it, and here are some killer tips to make everything perfect from here on out!" Can somebody PLEASE do that for me?
Week 1 of training complete. I found a training schedule that met up a lot closer with my current level of fitness than the one I posted on here earlier. Week 1 was supposed to be just three 2 mile runs. Piece of cake, right? Wrong. Every single time I have run for the past two weeks has just sucked. Its not enjoyable at all. Every step I take I am telling myself to quit. Motivation is gone!!!! The last 2 runs I haven't made it more than a mile before I had to stop and walk. I went 3 miles tonight and had to walk/run the last 2 miles. The positive thing is that I covered the ground I was supposed to cover.
I am so zapped. I have insomnia. Sometimes I don't sleep for the whole night, and then I have to get up and run...sometimes I go upwards of 30 hours without sleep. I don't know why. My body is tired but my brain won't shut down. I have probably slept a total of 12 hours in the last week, and it's only getting worse.
There are also some personal things going on with me that I'm trying to resolve.
I'm HOT. The heat and humidity down here is stifling, even early in the morning and late at night.
It is a conglomeration of a lot of things I suppose, not the least of which is that my motivation is just flat out diminished. I don't know how to get it back. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control!
I'm panicked. I can't think or write very well tonight. I don't know what to do, I keep picking myself back up, but I keep falling back down!
And I LOVE to read running blogs, by the way, but perhaps I need to stop. Nobody else seems to struggle with themselves so much! It seems like everyone else has a much easier time remaining consistent.
Maybe I'm just a loser.