The Battle of the Playground Equipment

Sometimes I feel like I'm split in half, and both parts of me are playing on a seesaw, and one of them won't cooperate. Weird analogy, right? Whatever, I've got nothing better today. Point is, balance is just something that doesn't come naturally for me! Which is strange, because I'm a Libra, you know. Scales and what not--I am a poor example of a Libra! They should kick me out.

Anyway, if I had to sum up the lessons I've learned in 2010 (which I will do in a later post), I think the word that I would keep coming back to is balance.  This year I have seen the worst and the best of myself trying to battle it out to see who can claim their territory.  I'm starting to realize that they're just going to have to live with each other, because neither one is going to give up. Balance...a work in progress.
Last week, I felt myself slipping back into some old habits and I made the decision to go ahead and try to stop the downward spiral. So far this week, I've done pretty well.

I've run twice! Both runs were only a little over 2 miles, but I was very pleased with them for several reasons. First, I ran them without taking more than two short walk breaks. Which means that I haven't lost as much fitness as I told myself I had--more subconscious excuses so that I don't have to try so hard, I guess. Second, I ran them at my easy pace, which used to be 13-14 minutes a mile BUT is now about 11.5. The only thing I can figure is that I'm getting a little bit faster now that some weight is starting to come off.  YAY!! Third, I felt strong and capable and I enjoyed myself.  I think I'm finally ready to start training for something again. Don't know what yet...it isn't marathon time. But I know it isn't going to be C25k--I don't need it, I can still run. I think deep down I knew that before but I was just trying to find a way to make things easier on myself without feeling guilty about it.

I also feel like I've come a long way with my relationship to food! Yesterday I craved a doughnut for breakfast. The hubby (very generously) went to our local doughnut shop and bought a dozen of my favorite kind. When he got home, I had ONE. And it was enough. I was very surprised about that--sorta scared that I would eat six or seven (like normal)...but one was really enough. I gave the rest away, had a green smoothie, went for a run that afternoon, and burned it off. Things like this have been happening a lot lately. I don't deprive myself of anything that I want, I don't have the ability to. I'm too much of a hedonist at heart. But I'm still meeting all of my nutritional needs and staying under my calorie goal. It's almost like...I can enjoy food without binging on it. What a concept!

So...I guess I'm doing better at balance. Maybe Bad Jenny and Good Jenny are finally learning to play together nicely on the seesaw?? I know Bad Jenny though...that bitch is going to wait until Good Jenny isn't looking and she's going to bump her side as hard as she can and hope that Good Jenny sails through the air and lands far, far away. Good Jenny is going to be practicing constant vigilance in the meantime.