Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Day The Panic Died

Today was supposed to be a run day, but I bent over to pick up my 6 year old this morning and pulled something in my back. It took my breath away!! It's okay when I'm standing straight up but any kind of leaning over really just doesn't feel good. I don't think its that serious because I can function normally and all that, but I was afraid of jarring it while running. Good thing that I'm doing the 100 Days Challenge, because that at least got me out the door for a walk after dinner. This would have definitely been one of those days where no intentional movement occured if I didn't "have" to.

Today was also my first day back at school. This is a significant quarter for me, because I am taking my first radiology class! (In case you didn't know, I'm in school to become a Rad Tech). But this is still the pre-radiology program so this quarter and next quarter will determine whether or not I get admitted into the radiology program in the fall. I had a mini panic attack this morning when I walked into class. For the first time all of the pre-rad students are together in the same class. There are 40 of us...and only 12 will get into the program this fall. To top that off, if we don't get in this fall then we lose ALL of our credits and have to take everything over again! (Long story!) Which means basically I lose a year of my life and a 4.0 average too. So there is a lot of pressure, and seeing all 39 smug evil faces of my competition really brought it home for me! Then my teacher started lecturing and using all of these terms I'd never heard before..fluoroscopy...cathode....tungsten...and I just flipped out! How am I supposed to keep my head above water and beat all of these people for a spot into a program that I don't even know if I'm going to be any good at anyway? What if all I've done is wasted my time and cost my family money that I SHOULD have been out there in the workforce earning? Hopeless...stupid...give up...moron....all these sort of words were spinning through my head.

And then I remembered something. I ran a half marathon. I never thought that I would be able to conquer that distance, but I did. I ran, I ached, I sweat, I almost fainted from the heat a few times, I hobbled through blisters, I even threw up on the side of the road once but I did it. And if I can do all of that, then surely I can crack a book and figure out what the hell a cathode is! Panic attack over, back to driven, focused, ass kicking Jennifer back in the saddle. I will make these people cry...they are NOT getting my spot! 

It's amazing the things that running does for a girl's self esteem.


  1. Oh, wow. That is a tough program...I might have panicked a little, too! Good luck with you said, you ran a half marathon, you can do anything you put your mind too!! :)

  2. A little anxiety driven adrenalin is very motivating!! You can do really really can! And once your back feels better a good run will prove it to you. Everyone would have had a moment of panic and you kicked it's ass. Way to go!!

  3. Like Debbie said those panic attacks just get us motivated! You will be awesome!

  4. Go get it, you deserve one of those spots!