Friday, January 28, 2011

Grumble Grumble Grrrrr

Haven't blogged in a few days because I didn't know what to say. I'm pissy today, have been most of this week. It's just stress. I'm not handling it well. I feel like there's too much. I'm overwhelmed and I feel like I'm almost to the point at being paralyzed with it all, but I'm still struggling to stay above water here. Not going to give up and drown quite yet.
It's nothing new that I'm not good at balancing acts. I'm really really good at concentrating at one thing at a time, but that's about all that's in my repertoire. I can focus on running but then my eating gets out of control. I can focus on dieting, and then I lose weight, but I lose steam for running. I can focus on my schoolwork and get straight A's but then exercise and weight loss don't seem so important anymore.
I've been trying to focus on all three, and all three are suffering. This is in addition to everything else that's stressing me out lately. My kids are especially needy. They're all having birthdays right around now, and I just came off of one party and now I'm having to plan another. We just got through Christmas, and our budget is severely suffering, and now I have to pull off a financial miracle for my oldest daughter's 13th birthday. My husband is stressed out about work.  I have really stupid neighbors whose children are always causing problems with my children, and I've been letting that get to me too much. There is never enough time to do everything that I want to do. I think I may have just gotten my first B or C on my test yesterday. I can't concentrate on anything.
I just feel like everything is swirling around me, and I'm standing still with my eyes clamped shut and my hands over my ears screaming at the top of my lungs...and nobody hears me. It's really not as bad as all that...I know this. It's LIFE and I LOVE life. But everything is really getting to me lately, and I'm just going through my days with a huge knot in my stomach. And quite honestly, I just want to hit somebody something repeatedly until everything goes away. I'm....I'm ANGRY. And I don't know who I'm even angry at.
This is not an excuse post. I realize that a lot of you out there put up with much more on a daily basis, all while completing weekly Ironmans and eating nothing but organic broccoli and flaxseed oil.I want to be more like you. I am working on being more like you. But I just had to vent.


  1. It is therapeutic to vent through blogging. I hope you feel better.

    I started reading this online book: Leo Babauta: Focus: A simplicity manifesto in the age of distraction. It is very helpful. It is a free download here:
    Might help you.

  2. I want you and need you to blog more often!!! This is where you can talk crap about people and events and we have your back 100% okay?

  3. Oh grasshopper...none of us are good at everything. All we can hope for is to do our best and sometimes our best at that particular moment isn't our ultimate best. Stop beating yourself up my dear. You have a ton on your plate and you should give yourself a big pat on the back that you are even trying to spin all these plates you have! Vent all you want...we'll listen. We can relate and then go out and do something that makes YOU happy. If that means punching a pillow go for it. Just don't punch your stupid neighbors!!

  4. I agree with Bethanny-you need to blog more often, not just when you reach your breaking point! We are here for you! And Debbie is right-no one is as perfect as they seem, everyone has shit, but it is how we deal with it that makes us successful... Keep going!

    Polar's Mom

  5. Remember then name of your blog, "One Step at a Time!" I have to do that and I have to say the Serenity prayer alot. It is never easy but you can do it!

  6. Hope you feel better. Go out for a run. It ALWAYS helps me!